Pages

Search This Blog

On being girly & unashamed

I am an unabashed pretty-things enthusiast. I love clothes, lace, bows, flowers, and pretty much anything you'd expect to fall out of princess-obsessed, six-year-old girl's dress-up box. I love shopping, makeup (although I'm no expert), "girly" music, "girly" movies, anything pastel-pink, and ballet. Even my personality is stereotypically "girly"; I'm quiet and giggly and insecure and naive. My blog, my Pinterest, even my bedroom-- they're like explosions of femininity so blinding you can see nothing but a kaleidoscope of roses and lace and tiny polka-dots.

Okay, I might be exaggerating. But only slightly.





Anyways, if you haven't already clicked away to a new tab out of annoyance in how excruciatingly frivolous or featherbrained I may seem, here's what I want you to know:

First of all (and I am obligated to say this as a woman of the world): referring to all this frilly/pretty/fragile stuff as "girly" is problematic within itself because (duh) there are a whole lot of girls and women who aren't like that at all.  


 For example, my sister and I were raised in the same house, by the same parents, and yet we are on laughably different ends of the frilly v. non-frilly spectrum. Twenty-one-year-old Lara grew up wearing mock-turtle necks from the boy's section of L.L Bean and memorizing the names of construction vehicles. Today, she doesn't own a single makeup product, and would rather spend her money on rock climbing shoes, Carhartts, and twenty-five very different varieties of wind breakers than the dresses and skirts that I obsess over. She's hilarious and goofy and she's currently exploring the wilderness somewhere. Needless to say, we are very different people, but she's obviously just as much of a girl as me. For lack of a better term I'm still going to use the word "girly" to describe my frilly or cutesy qualities, but just know that I'm not particularly happy about it.

 Even though my style and tastes correlate with the stereotypes surrounding my gender, I still feel fairly self conscious about them sometimes. And when I decided to start a fashion/lifestyle blog I was kinda worried I'd be seen as overly-girly, ditsy, or trying-too-hard. My worries weren't entirely unfounded, as I can think of a hundred examples of girliness judgement in my everyday life. And despite being an admittedly feminine person, I even catch myself judging the "girliness" of others. I find myself feeling secretly superior to girls who are obsessed with The Bachelor, or read vampire romance novels, or giggle too much and make ditsy mistakes about geography. So, I'm better than her because my favorite book is taught in high school English classes? I'm better than her because I'm not as "basic"? She could be a valedictorian-physics-prodigy for all I know. She could be an eloquent and beautifully thoughtful writer. She could be the most genuinely-nice person of all time. My judgments are unfounded and unfair, and nobody deserves that.   

      Earlier this year, I showed some fashion/beauty videos and blogs to my generally-pretty-chill family and friends. One person laughed and commented that she "just wasted ten minutes of life hearing about mascara and moisturizer." Another smiled and said, "I'm just glad when you start your blog, you'll be writing about more than just makeup and clothes."

      This made me kind of offended on behalf of all the just fashion and beauty bloggers with whom I am in love. I totally knew what she meant, of course. She meant "you're too smart/too feminist/too thoughtful/ too capable to focus only on makeup and clothes."  The thought had crossed my mind, too. I should write about my life, or women's rights, or the pressing issues of our time in addition to fashion/beauty/lifestyle to prove to everyone that I'm more than just some frilly girl who likes dresses. 

      But then, I had another thought:
      What if I genuinely really wanted to write about just fashion or just beauty? Why the heck isn't that enough? I shouldn't have to prove that I'm smarter or more capable than that, because nobody should assume that caring about fashion and/or beauty automatically makes a girl less smart or capable!


      Why are ten minutes spent talking about mascara and moisturizer ten minutes of life wasted? What about ten minutes spent talking about sports, or movies? Someone could make the argument that those entertaining/recreational topics are also useless or are a waste of time, but mostly, nobody does! Why? Because we respect the fact that a lot of people love those things. Why is it so hard to respect my enjoyment of clothes and shopping and curling my hair? It doesn't matter if you personally don't like them--- I don't like football but I don't make other people feel ashamed or stupid for watching it! Why do I feel embarrassed about watching a YouTube video titled, "My Shower Routine" or spending twenty minutes doing my hair, or reading sappy, young adult "chick lit" novels? Why are your interests more valid than mine? Because mine are "girly"? Because things associated with girls are automatically less credible and taken less seriously??

      Well sorry (not really), but I am girly and frilly and sappy and cliche. I like cutesy movies and cutesy music, and I spent thirty-five minutes getting ready this morning. I absolutely suck at sports, I don't love getting dirty, and I'm not very confident in my ability to parallel park. I take pictures of my outfits and post them on the internet. Pink is my favorite color.  Right now, I'm wearing lacey socks and drinking a girly Starbucks drink. And I really, really, don't care what you think.

      Now, I could end this blog by telling you that I'm also smart or creative or cultured or well-read. But I shouldn't have to do that. You shouldn't have ever assumed otherwise.


      Here's what we need to remember: our hobbies, every little weird thing we do, all the things we suck at, and all the things we love; it's all valid. Every last thing. We don't have to feel stupid or "less-than" or embarrassed about any part of ourselves. We don't have to apologize for being us.


      I'm a girl, I'm "girly," and I'm not sorry. Whoever you are, you shouldn't be either.

      ♡ Julia



      19 comments

      1. I read this yesterday but I forgot to comment so I had to come back haha. I seriously loved reading this. Your post made me realize how much I hold back just because I don't want to be characterized as "girly" or for every "girly" thing I do I always feel the need to compensate for it by saying something intelligent. I shouldn't have to do that.
        Thank you for writing this. It made reflect on the choices I make just so I wouldn't be seen as "basic."

        xx,
        Yvanne | https://composedcollected.blogspot.com

        ReplyDelete
        Replies
        1. Exactly! We shouldn't have to prove our intelligence whenever we do something girly. Thanks so much for reading, Yvanne! That means a lot to me!!

          Delete
      2. Awe I love this! I 100% agree with you that we shouldn't be put down or "forced" to change what we like just because somebody else doesn't have the same interest as us. For one, starting a blog in the first place is something that we've decided on ourself, and putting yourself out there is a big step! It's up to us what we want to show of ourselves, and if that's makeup or sports, so be it. I loved the post and could definitely relate. :) x

        Kyia at WANDERLUSTGIRL// lifestyle & beauty

        ReplyDelete
        Replies
        1. Yeah! We should just do what we love and not feel bad about it. Thanks so much for reading, Kyia!!

          Delete
      3. Lovely post!
        I've followed your blog, hope that you check mine :D

        Mia x. | https://my-world-vibes.blogspot.pt/

        ReplyDelete
      4. ab-so-lute-ly. love. this. post. there's so much more to people than they're hobbies or interests. if you're into computers, that doesn't make you a socially inept bore. and if you're into fashion, that doesn't make you shallow. i have a friend who knows more about the current presidential election than anyone else i know, and she also happens to be the only person i know who unironically follows the kardashians. people are complex. you can't judge them based on their interests.

        THANK YOU
        http://hellokuo.blogspot.com/

        ReplyDelete
        Replies
        1. So so so true!! Thank YOU for reading :)

          Delete
      5. Lovely post, both of you look cute, I love this blog, thanks for sharing!

        xxx

        www.bridesonamission.com

        ReplyDelete
      6. YAS GIRL, PREACH. I'll be honest and say that I used to be an arrogant arsehole who could give two sh*ts (I'm so sorry about my language here) about makeup hauls and "girly" things, and I was absolute trash (and absolutely wrong) for judging people who do, but having seen things myself and having immersed myself in the social media culture for a good year and a half has really taught me that we really shouldn't assume based on exterior things, and that's where this post comes in.

        You're girly af, like lace and pink, but that shouldn't be reason for anyone to judge your interior, less obvious qualities and make negative assumptions. I know many people in life who have immense interest in makeup and clothes and are some of THE smartest people I know. So go you, Julia. #unapologetic

        MAY | WWW.THEMAYDEN.COM

        ReplyDelete
        Replies
        1. Thanks so much for your support, May! You're the best. And you're so right. We should all be a bit more #unapologetic :)

          Delete
      7. You shouldn't have to prove that you're "smart" or "creative" or any other adjectives. If you want to talk about makeup, that is great! So many people are looking for tips, tricks, suggestions, reviews, and etc. You will help people make better decisions when it comes to fashion and makeup and anything you talk about.

        I don't know much about makeup since I don't use it (although I used to wear eyeliner). I don't know much about fashion since.. well, you know.. But it would be wrong to assume that girly things is what you're all about. You are a person too with complexity and different interests.

        Inspiring words about we shouldn't be sorry for who we are. Keep up the great work and I'm sure you're already inspiring and helping so many people out there!

        Sincerely,

        Ron | Nearby Wanderer

        ReplyDelete
        Replies
        1. Thanks so much Ron, that means a lot to me!

          Delete
      8. I TOTALLY LOVE THIS! I can feel the girl power here. Don't look down on yourself or be affected when people tell you or judge you as too girly because I appreciate people who are girly but I also appreciate people who aren't. The first time I visited your blog Julia, I was in total "Awwe. This is such a cute blog to read. Oh, she wears girly clothes. I can try them on once I can find some similar clothes. How I wish I can be as girly as her. I love how she express her words." Those were my thoughts, to be honest. Beauty and fashion blogs are life savers. I get to learn with some tips on how to apply make up even though I haven't tried them yet and seeing fashion blogs help me to practice on how to match clothes properly. They serve a purpose on the internet. They give tips and lessons which most of the world's population can learn from. Dressing yourself and putting make up on your face are talents, btw. Don't be ashamed of being girly because that's what you are and that's what matters most. Be you. :)

        Augustin Ra | Indie Spirit

        ReplyDelete
        Replies
        1. Oh my gosh thanks, girl! You're so nice. You're right, we shouldn't be ashamed of whoever we are :)

          Delete
      9. I can totally relate to this and it's the main reason why I never told my family about my blog, never showed them either and if it wasn't because I have a few relatives that followed me on IG because they saw me linking pictures, they wouldn't have a clue. I'm tired of hearing why write about makeup? Don't you have better things to do? The thing many don't understand is writing about beauty can be very educational too...case in point Anne's blog, Linda.Libra.Loca. I am learning about product ingredients and what's good and bad for our skin.

        I say good on you and you do what makes you happy! xx

        Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

        ReplyDelete
        Replies
        1. Yeah, so true. I think a lot of bloggers are hesitant to share with their friends and family because of this. You keep doing what makes you happy too, Shireen! Thanks for reading as always

          Delete
      10. This is such a beautiful and empowering post. You shouldn't feel ashamed of the way you are, we all come in different shapes, sizes and colors and you shouldn't let any stereotypes bring you down. I've struggled with that as well. Some days I love dressing super "girly" and other days I just dress like a 9 year old boy and I feel just as confident in both, but it wasn't always that way. I've been also questioned a lot by the fact I looove makeup and how can I be too "femenin" and listen to pretty hard rock music and love horror books at the same time. I used to try as hard as I could to be as girly as possible (and I really like that style) but I'm not always that way. Now I'm just embracing the two sides of the coins and I've never felt as comfortable with myself as I am now. I've been also scared of what people may think of my blog, but loving lipstick and spending all your day watching beauty videos doesn't mean you are dumb, vain or empty, I hate that misconception. Thank you for an amazing post, this is something that has to be adressed and you did it perfectly, I hope it empowers many other girls to be just the way they are and to embrace it without fear.

        Cy | Dulce de Mango

        ReplyDelete

      Blog Archive

      Follow by email

      Social

      Follow

      Pinterest

      About me

      About me

      About me
      I’m a 19-year old college student who’s still very much “in bluhm” (heh) but I’m figuring it out as I go, laptop in hand.
      Copyright @ julia in bluhm . Blog Design by KotrynaBassDesign