A stressed perfectionist's guide to positive thinking

My problem with positive thinking is that I always feel like I'm lying.

 I try to be positive, but it just feels like a cover up. I can still feel the bad thoughts simmering underneath, and they feel deeper than the positive thoughts. They feel like truth.

That being said, when I'm feeling sad and discouraged and disgusted with myself, I really do try to turn my mood around. I say, "Julia, no. You're not bad" or "think of the good stuff you've done" or "those aren't the things that matter anyways." 

sometimes my beautiful friends are my models

Searching for optimism || thought of the day

I spent the majority of today thinking about bad days.

(And having one.)

Here's some context: I've been back at college for 2 weeks since winter break. That first week back was wonderful. Seriously, it was pure bliss.   I had my life somewhat together, I didn't have very much homework/ studying, and I was doing fun things with my friends every night. We went to see La La Land on a Wednesday night, and took an impromptu trip to Chicago on Sunday. The whole week, even when I had a rough ballet day or I was feeling tired, I kept thinking about what a great week it was. Even now, I've sort of forgotten about the less awesome or stressful things that happened that first week, and I just remember the good stuff. I had decided early on that it was the best week ever, and somehow, magically, it continued to be.

This past week? Not so much.

this drawing isn't mine-- it's by marc johns (who is amazing) 

Does anyone really care? || insecurities of the small blogger

So about a million years ago (in July) I wrote a post called "worries from a blogging newbie" in which I basically talked about my various insecurities as a blogger who was just starting out. Now, in January, it feels like everything has changed since then. My website has changed, my blog philosophy (for lack of a better word?) has changed like 3 times already....

... And yet, I still feel like a newbie.

the girl who wants to do everything || thought of the day

 I think there's a point in growing up where everything around you starts to change size.
The things that used to be big and all-consuming get smaller; your school, your sports team, your hometown, your home friends.

The things that used to be small and figured-out now seem inexplicable and endless; your world, your possibilities, your plan, your life.

Two reflections to start the new year off right

So, it's 2017!

It actually feels exactly the same as 2016, I know. The whole "new year new me" thing is kind of misleading, because you are in fact the same you that you were before. But what the new year does provide, even if it's kind of an arbitrary social construct, is an opportunity to start fresh. Everybody needs that once in a while. If the New Year does it for you, then great.

This year, I've decided not to make my typical list of (really hard, unrealistic) New Years Resolutions because, for me, that never ever works. Instead, I just have this ongoing drive to blog more/be more creative/ take more photos, but that was there last week also, and the week before. But I still want to get a little bit reflective, and a little bit inspired for this fresh start. So, instead of impossible resolutions, I think it's more fun to make a 2017 "bucket list" of sorts with a bunch of new things I want to try. And, as we start the new year, it's also important to be proud of the stuff we've already done, hence the "pride list" of stuff accomplished in 2016. We're already pretty awesome as we are right now, no resolutions required.