I think there's a point in growing up where everything around you starts to change size.
The things that used to be big and all-consuming get smaller; your school, your sports team, your hometown, your home friends.
The things that used to be small and figured-out now seem inexplicable and endless; your world, your possibilities, your plan, your life.
When I went home from my first semester of college to see a ballet performance (the one I'd performed in and obsessed over for years) I couldn't get over how small everything felt. Not in a bad way-- it was still amazing. But it felt a whole lot smaller than I remembered, and I'm not just talking about the stage size. I think this is because my brain has opened up, and the ballet part doesn't completely fill it anymore. There's some empty space leftover now, and instead of just one thing, it's filling up with world. With possibilities. With stuff I don't know about yet, and stuff I want to do.
Maybe you're at the changing-size part of your life, too. You look around and see a thousand huge things and a thousand little things happening within each other. It probably all seems terribly exciting, and you probably have this antsy urge inside of you to just do it all. You're probably plagued with a constant (and frustrating) sense of inspiration, while at the same time kinda wanting to stay in bed until noon everyday (it's too comfy).
And, if you're anything like me, it's not the sort of idle dreaming you did when you were younger. This is stuff you want to do now. There are sixteen-year-olds on the internet doing it now, and people in your college doing it now, and you desperately want to join the club of now-doers. They seem so cool, don't they? They seem to grasp the world a little bit stronger than other people, right? You could do that. You're pretty good at metaphorical grasping. So why are you still in bed?
Well girl, I feel the same. I feel like I'm constantly filling up with inspiration and things I want to do, but I never feel like I'm quite doing them. And none of them seem concrete enough to pin down and smush into one pretty, packaged thing. For the first time ever I don't know how to answer the question "what do you want to do?" because I want to do so many things. I try to pin it down and plan it out (because I love doing that) but I also know it's not gonna happen the way I plan.
Anyways, this was just a "thought of the day" type of post, where I try to dump my thoughts and feelings in the most eloquent way possible. Expect a follow up post on a similar topic within the next week. Let me know how you've dealt with being young and inspired and confused, or if you're in a similar situation!